first post.
It's been a while since I last wrote up a blog post ever...I used to post often on an old blog but I stopped posting once I started losing interest and college took over my life. Heh. (By the way I'm sort of embarrassed by that blog because I sound pretty immature in some of the posts I've made...heh hence why I started up this new one!)
It's 2:42am in LA right now and the reason why I just all of a sudden felt like writing up a blog post is because I felt the urge to write my thoughts down. When you think too much, it's always healthy to express your thoughts in some sort of manner, no? I for one like to write my thoughts down when that happens. I actually have a small journal I started writing in this summer but I got lazy of handwriting. So online blog it is.
So I recently just finished up the first quarter of my 3rd year at college and I have mixed feelings about how I wrapped it up. I did rather poorly on my finals this week - well one final I'm pretty sure I aced it, and as for the other two...I can't say the same. And they're both physics courses - my major courses. What was especially soul-crushing about today's physics final is that it took me by surprise. Some things the professor said we should know weren't on the final (and he especially emphasized on one chapter that I thought it was for sure going to be on it...turns out it wasn't!), I didn't get to study everything in time, and the things I didn't study in depth were worth half the total possible points on the final :D. Lovely.
So after I handed that final in, I walked out of the lecture hall into the darkness, checked my phone for notifications, and read my mom's message saying, "You finished your finals right? You worked hard." Then I started talking to her about the final - about how sad I was about how I did on it, and how it made me feel so discouraged regarding pursuing my major. I talked about how I was worried that I might not graduate in time at this rate, and that this is already like..what, the 6th time I did badly on physics finals since I started college? I just overall haven't been doing spectacular in any of my major courses and it has been making me feel anxious ever since. So when today's final came around, following after an almost soul-crushing physics final - I just broke down a little. I started crying in the darkness on campus, quietly texting my mom, whilst receiving messages from friends in a group chat planning on eating KBBQ for dinner. Although it was partly due to me having already eaten KBBQ last week, I really was not in the mood to join in on a outing after that final. I was so upset that I couldn't bring myself to go out with friends. So I typed in a quick but respectful "have fun guys, i'm out" response and ignored the chat for a while.
What my mom told me was the same old things she tells me whenever I talk to her about academics - "Your major is hard, it can't be helped," "There are always going to be a few exceptionally smart kids here and there," "Don't worry about it," etc. But one thing she told me that stood out from my conversation with her was: "It's fine if you have to graduate late." I was a little surprised because I didn't know she was actually okay with that idea. Not that I was leaning towards graduating late (in fact, I don't want to stay in college for any longer than 4 years thank you very much lol), but I just thought that my parents would be disappointed if I had to graduate late? But I...guess not. In a way, having my mom tell me that sort of put me more at ease. It's already tough with me being strict towards myself, I probably would've felt more stressed if mom started freaking out about whether I would graduate on time. Haha.
What I also wanted to talk about was what my friend told me a while after my final. I talked to him about how I was feeling too upset to join him and the others for dinner due to how badly I did on the final. And I added on by talking about how worried I was for my future.
His words were what really put me at ease.
A quick summary of his words: "You can't let 4 years of college determine the rest of your life, that's crazy. You have to learn how to go with the flow - if things doesn't seem to work out with what you're doing right now, try switching lanes and doing something different. You don't have to be working in a field you studied in for college after college. Sometimes, things don't work out the way you want them to. Learn to accept and adapt."
Wow. I feel like he just opened me up to a whole new mindset. His words made me realize how inflexible I have been so far regarding life. I should just do what I like for now, and if things don't work out, it's completely okay. It's not the end of the world. My life isn't set for doom. I'm going to be okay. He also added that I would be okay because I'm not unintelligent - sure maybe I might be bad at academia, but that doesn't define my level of intelligence.
He also told me I need to enjoy life more...especially since it's winter break for me now lol. that's actually true. I get stressed too easily about things, which prevents me from feeling much joy from living. So maybe that's one potential new year's resolution? Heh.
Alright, I think I'm feeling better after having written all of that down. It's late, and I should probably be heading to bed soon. Good night!
It's 2:42am in LA right now and the reason why I just all of a sudden felt like writing up a blog post is because I felt the urge to write my thoughts down. When you think too much, it's always healthy to express your thoughts in some sort of manner, no? I for one like to write my thoughts down when that happens. I actually have a small journal I started writing in this summer but I got lazy of handwriting. So online blog it is.
So I recently just finished up the first quarter of my 3rd year at college and I have mixed feelings about how I wrapped it up. I did rather poorly on my finals this week - well one final I'm pretty sure I aced it, and as for the other two...I can't say the same. And they're both physics courses - my major courses. What was especially soul-crushing about today's physics final is that it took me by surprise. Some things the professor said we should know weren't on the final (and he especially emphasized on one chapter that I thought it was for sure going to be on it...turns out it wasn't!), I didn't get to study everything in time, and the things I didn't study in depth were worth half the total possible points on the final :D. Lovely.
So after I handed that final in, I walked out of the lecture hall into the darkness, checked my phone for notifications, and read my mom's message saying, "You finished your finals right? You worked hard." Then I started talking to her about the final - about how sad I was about how I did on it, and how it made me feel so discouraged regarding pursuing my major. I talked about how I was worried that I might not graduate in time at this rate, and that this is already like..what, the 6th time I did badly on physics finals since I started college? I just overall haven't been doing spectacular in any of my major courses and it has been making me feel anxious ever since. So when today's final came around, following after an almost soul-crushing physics final - I just broke down a little. I started crying in the darkness on campus, quietly texting my mom, whilst receiving messages from friends in a group chat planning on eating KBBQ for dinner. Although it was partly due to me having already eaten KBBQ last week, I really was not in the mood to join in on a outing after that final. I was so upset that I couldn't bring myself to go out with friends. So I typed in a quick but respectful "have fun guys, i'm out" response and ignored the chat for a while.
What my mom told me was the same old things she tells me whenever I talk to her about academics - "Your major is hard, it can't be helped," "There are always going to be a few exceptionally smart kids here and there," "Don't worry about it," etc. But one thing she told me that stood out from my conversation with her was: "It's fine if you have to graduate late." I was a little surprised because I didn't know she was actually okay with that idea. Not that I was leaning towards graduating late (in fact, I don't want to stay in college for any longer than 4 years thank you very much lol), but I just thought that my parents would be disappointed if I had to graduate late? But I...guess not. In a way, having my mom tell me that sort of put me more at ease. It's already tough with me being strict towards myself, I probably would've felt more stressed if mom started freaking out about whether I would graduate on time. Haha.
What I also wanted to talk about was what my friend told me a while after my final. I talked to him about how I was feeling too upset to join him and the others for dinner due to how badly I did on the final. And I added on by talking about how worried I was for my future.
His words were what really put me at ease.
A quick summary of his words: "You can't let 4 years of college determine the rest of your life, that's crazy. You have to learn how to go with the flow - if things doesn't seem to work out with what you're doing right now, try switching lanes and doing something different. You don't have to be working in a field you studied in for college after college. Sometimes, things don't work out the way you want them to. Learn to accept and adapt."
Wow. I feel like he just opened me up to a whole new mindset. His words made me realize how inflexible I have been so far regarding life. I should just do what I like for now, and if things don't work out, it's completely okay. It's not the end of the world. My life isn't set for doom. I'm going to be okay. He also added that I would be okay because I'm not unintelligent - sure maybe I might be bad at academia, but that doesn't define my level of intelligence.
He also told me I need to enjoy life more...especially since it's winter break for me now lol. that's actually true. I get stressed too easily about things, which prevents me from feeling much joy from living. So maybe that's one potential new year's resolution? Heh.
Alright, I think I'm feeling better after having written all of that down. It's late, and I should probably be heading to bed soon. Good night!
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